Dish-doing turned evil

BEHOLD. Our latest adventure: 

Super short version-
Andy slices finger on cup. Said finger bleeds profusely. Hospital visit. 9 stitches. Rachel = awesome wifey. 

Super long version-
Once upon a time, twas Andy's turn to do the dishes. We don't have a dishwasher in our apartments so we wash everything by hand. We got these awesome glasses from our wedding but they are shaped kind of weird and and are narrower at the top. 
Andy, with his fat manly hands, can't fit his fingers inside these cups to clean them thoroughly, so this genius has a method of sticking a sponge at the bottom and swirling it around with a knife (to be honest, neither of us realized the idiocy of this method until after the incident.) The glass chipped at the top and Andy gashed his finger.
After 2 minutes of absolutely NO cursing OR screaming, we had it wrapped in a paper towel and were in the car on the way to the emergency room. 
Don't worry. We were laughing by this point. 
Andy was smart and kept his hand over his head so the bleeding slowed. Once we were settled into a hospital bed, the doc checked out his finger and was quick to tell him that he was no longer allowed to do the dishes EVER AGAIN. Doctor's orders. 
Umm what?
Ha funny. 
They started cleaning out his wound, making him gush blood again. 
Andy was nervous that our nurse, who had a lazy eye, was going to be the one to do his stitches. 
That had me laughing so hard my eyes started to water. 
Our awesome mood was killed when they had to numb his finger using a 4 inch needle. He didn't want to squeeze my hand because he thought he would break it, so he turned a paper towel into a nice hard block. They stuck him with the needle 3 times, swiveling it around his bone... it looked so gross. I hated seeing Andy in that much pain. 
After that they started putting a mini-rubber-tourniquet onto his finger to slow the bleeding down. Andy's finger was streaming blood as the tourniquet rolled up his finger. A pool was forming under his wrist (am I totally grossing you out yet?) Right as they rolled it past his knuckle-- 
--pause -- 
You've seen monty python and the holy grail, right? Okay, remember the part where the guy gets all of his limbs chopped off and his arm holes are squirting blood? (It's only a flesh wound!) Just keep that image in your mind as I describe what happens next...
Right as they rolled it past his knuckle, blood shot out in every direction. It got on Andy's face, the nurse's face, some of the equipment... We all yelled and jumped, and then the nurse started laughing so hard saying, "That was so rad! Holy shiz that was awesome!" A bunch of the other nurses started visiting our chambers occasionally saying stuff like "Is this the squirter?" Soon, Andy was famous in that small little E.R. 
The rest of the story includes a lot of waiting, a lot of money being spent, a lot of anxiety while watching a newbie-nurse use a fish hook to pierce Andy's skin and stitch him up. But it was fascinating. 
They gave us sodas while we watched and waited. We saw a little girl walk in with her mother, holding her arm. Probably broken. 
Then finally we went home! And I made us pastrami-pepperjack-tomato-grilled-cheese-sandwiches while we watched Fringe.
And there be the story. I hope it didn't disgust you too badly. If it did, here is something awesome to take your mind off of the gore:


1 comment:

  1. Oh my! Poor guy! Glad they managed to get him all stitched up!


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